Misunderstandings and Cell Phone Charms
by TheGreatOtaku
Summary: A not-so-simple story between the Hitachiin Brothers. For no particular reason, Kaoru starts acting different around Hikaru; it's starting to tick him off because he just doesn't understand why. The other members even seem to know something...
1. Day 1: The First Big Hit

**Chapter 1  
**_Day 1: The First Big Hit_

"Hikaru," that sweet voice calls out in that fake tone he uses whenever we have customers and have to put up our little act. His almost meek words pull my attention away from a horribly blushing girl who obviously hadn't recovered from five minutes ago. I still don't quite understand why some of the girls just lose themselves whenever two boys get close. Not that I'm complaining. Looking over to my brother and his seeming down-casted features perfectly fitting his face, I suddenly realize that "five minutes ago" was more like "half an hour" to "forty-five minutes ago".

"Y-You seem a little distracted today," Kaoru continues softly. It was still obviously part of his act. But of course, only we would know when it was or wasn't. It's weird, though. Kaoru's "act" gets more and more flawless and perfect every time. It's not gradual either. Of course we're both great actors, but… now **I'm** starting to buy it a little. I even had to remind myself one time, _he's just acting._ "There's nothing wrong, is there?" That fake concern in his voice gets me every time. It's not helping that he's gotten better at it, either.

"Kaoru," I say it as though I'm truly concerned. In a way, I am. This isn't what we planned, at least that I remember. I decide to go along with it, seeing as there seems to be something he's planning. What's the harm in adding a little more "brotherly love" today? "I'm sorry. I guess there **is** something distracting me." I turn my attention away from the girls and move closer to my brother. His skin feels almost too soft to be that of a boy's when I turn his head toward my own. A few years ago, we've established that we don't have a "too close for comfort" between us. This, as usual, gets a few faces red and the beginning of the whole "fan-gasm" that some of our customers seem to have when they see us even mention anything suggestive. It just makes me wonder even more. Seriously, I just don't understand.

"I guess I just—"

"Hikaru, don't lie." That startles me. Not just the fact Kaoru cut me off. He never does that. What's really getting me, my dear brother is smiling but his eyes aren't. They're not even looking at me. My hands move away, though they're still lingering close, and I just look at Kaoru and it's painfully obvious that I'm confused and almost hurt. Those girls are also surprised. He suddenly stands up and still won't look at me. There's still that painful smile in his face (at least… it's hurting me) and he's silent for a moment. His voice strikes a cord in me again.

"I don't feel like pretending today," He turns to the few girls sitting at the table and apologizes then turns and leaves, saying he doesn't feel good. I just sit in my chair; my hands are clenching into fists and slowly tightening in my lap. He's getting too good at this. I wish he wasn't.

"Hikaru-kun? Are you okay?" One of the girls seems to finally catch on, and she asks one of the stupider questions. The answers obvious, so why bother even to ask? Especially when nerves are more sensitive. "Is something wrong?" Her voice is too high pitch. It almost gives me a headache.

I don't have to look around. I can already tell that Kaoru is gone, and the other members of the Host Club are staring. Especially Hunny-Sempai. He's always the one who seems the most concerned, yet it's Tono who speaks up first. Of course.

Some of the girls that Tono was "entertaining" seem to whine when he comes over to me. Others are less selfish; almost truly concerned. I really don't know how long it took, but he's standing next to my chair, looking down at me. I don't know if it's true or not, but I sometimes get the feeling that even Tono has to look at my brother or me for a moment to figure out which one is which. I'll give him credit, though: he does it faster then others (if he has to at all). I can only assume that he only saw Kaoru walk off and didn't hear him. Not a surprise.

"Hikaru," If only I could hear his voice like his customers did sometimes. Then he probably could make me feel better. But I don't. So I don't understand why he even bothers. He's probably going to give me a headache, too. Tono leans down close to my ear and whispers his stupid question so only I could hear. I don't really know how he does it. I mean, the room's practically silent. "Is this one of your mock fights?" Sometimes, I seriously want to punch him in his pretty little face. What would make him think that? Just because we had one fake fight a while ago doesn't mean that every argument we have is fake, right? I quickly stand up and stare my blond sempai down in his violet eyes for a moment when I think of that. I'm pretty sure he's starting to get the idea that it's not and he looks a little stunned. I really was going to basically explode at him, but someone just has to interrupt.

"You probably just haven't been paying enough attention to Kaoru, Hikaru," Haruhi's looking over at us from her table, a small tray with a small steaming tea pot and some cups rattles a bit as she puts it down. "He's most likely just trying to make you feel bad to get his point across." I know she's trying not to sound mean or anything like that, but it still hurts nonetheless. She's honest about everything, but doesn't seem to know how it affects others the way she says it. I guess it's that honesty that I admire the most about her. And the fact that she's extremely cute sometimes. Most of the time, actually. I will admit, I do spend a lot of time looking at her. At least I don't shamelessly fawn over her like Tono. I have dignity. At least more then him.

"Maybe you should go apologize or at least see what's wrong," Haruhi always seems to know what to do. Though that is the most basic thing that someone can do. Anyone could have thought of that, even Tono. But the fact that **she** was the one who suggested it made it more special.

"That's just what I was thinking!" Tono says in a way that's rather dramatic; pointing to himself and I could have sworn I saw sparkles around his head. He's such a bullshitting lair. I know he means well, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he's an idiot.

I finally decide to chase after Kaoru, and as I'm leaving I can hear Tono tell Kaoru's and my customers that they'll get a refund since their time with the twins was cut short. Just before I leave the Third Music Room, I turn to see Kyouya's "lifeless" expression when he hears that, too. Tono's going to get an earful. I'm going to have to see if I can get to see that later. Kaoru would enjoy it. I know that much…


	2. Day 1: Missed Cell Phone Call

**Chapter 2  
**_Day 1: Missed Cell Phone Call_

Today just had to be the day that Kaoru left without me and without telling the driver. He'd done this before on accident. I think it was that he misunderstood what I said. I guess I wasn't too clear that day. It annoys me when that happens. It annoys me even more when the weather decides to change on me and a steady down pour starts up without warning. With the way things are going, it reminds me of really cliché romance movies or fan-fiction. That seems about right. At least Kaoru wont get soaked then sick.

I guess I was standing outside longer then I thought. The rain is starting to soak though even my jacket. I can feel shivers run though me as I think even more about what to do. Reaching into my pocket and pulling out my cell phone, I debate if I want to call my brother. Mother and Father are out of the question as Mother's on a business trip and Father obediently followed for whatever reason. He **is** a good man, though. I'll give him that.

The wind is starting to pick up as the small charm on the cell swings around even more. Kaoru's my best bet right now. I almost reluctantly run my thumb over the button for the speed dial to call him. He's first on it. Finally I punch his number in slowly, and just before I push the call button, I hear a voice I really don't want to. Snapping the phone shut as soon as I hear my name in Tono's voice, I can feel my face heat up just a bit as I look at the phone a little frustrated. I'm mostly looking at the charm I got from Kaoru. When he got me the thing, I just had to get him a matching one. I wonder if it's still on his phone…

"Hikaru!" Tono's probably been calling my name a least three or four times. I quickly shove the cell into my pocket and decide not to greet him in my normal way. I'm just not in the mood. All I do is sigh to myself and turn toward him, wrapping my jacket around me tighter. It's either getting colder or the rain is starting to soak into even my bones. I'm taking a nice hot bath when I get home.

Tono finally caught up to me as we stand near the front gate of Ouran. I'm envious of that umbrella he has. It's apparently noticeable, too, as he steps forward more and holds the thing over both of us. I'm not even looking at him anymore. I don't want to. All I want to see is my brother, but I can't because I apparently did something to make him mad at me. Tono can sense my dismay and comfortingly (to him) puts a hand on my shoulder. Am I really that easy to read? I just push his hand off and continue to avoid eye contact with him.

"Hikaru, are you still waiting for your driver?" He finally speaks up and it's just a stupid question. I don't answer him for a moment and just look down the road that leads away from the high school. I'm still stuck there when I answer.

"No, Tono," I sound melancholy, and for good reason. At least I think so. This is the first time Kaoru has ever done something like this and for once I'm not entirely sure what he's thinking. I always have at least an idea of what we're going to do; what we should do. For once, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to do about anything. "I just don't know…"

I didn't mean to verbalize my thoughts, but I did. Tono obviously heard it, and (I don't know how) he seems to know that I do know that the driver isn't coming and that I don't know what to do about much of anything. Especially Kaoru. My brother told me that I have a horrible time controlling my emotions and throw them around like a kid. I never really took that into consideration, and never planned on it. Besides, there's nothing wrong with being blunt on how you feel about someone or something. Why else would I act the way I do? I spend so much time with Haruhi because I like her. It's the same thing with Kaoru. I don't understand why he's acting the way he is. He looked so upset by something I don't even know what I did. I don't want him to ever look like that again. But I can't do anything if I don't know what the problem is!

"Well, come on, then."

"Huh?" Am I really getting that distracted by this whole thing that I'm oblivious to my surroundings? Tono's driver is already here and Tono is already halfway into the car, beckoning me to join him. I look away for a moment deciding if I should catch a ride with him or bother my brother. I don't think Kaoru wants to hear me, let alone come get me. He did that last time, though. He drove with one of our drivers and when they got here, before the car even stopped, Kaoru jumped out and rushed over to me hugging me like there's no tomorrow. With him almost crying, I just laughed it off and said it was all right as long as he was sorry and didn't do it again.

Tono calls out my name again. God, I **am** getting distracted by all of this. It's not worth it to tell Tono to just go on and just hope Kaoru would at least send a driver. If he really is pissed at me, then he would just leave me out here. A sudden gust of wind chills me again and I run over to the car and somewhat clumsily get inside the warm vehicle. I can feel him staring at me as I mope in the backseat next to him. Hopefully it won't take too long to get home; I don't want to be stuck here with Tono for the rest of the evening.

"You still seem a bit upset, Hikaru." Really? I thought I was totally over it now… "What do you think you did to upset your dear brother?"

"If I knew that," I'm gritting my teeth tightly and holding back the urge to harm my only reliable ride home. "I wouldn't be here right now worrying about it, would I, Tono?" I turn toward him and glare in his direction. He seems to get the point.

"I-I see," I relax, if only a little, and fumble around with the phone charm in my pocket. All it is, is a small brown, almost orange monkey that Kaoru said it reminds him of me. I don't get why. I also don't know why I use it. I guess it is knida cute, but charms are usually something girls would use aren't they? Whatever. It's not like the one I got him is any better. It's almost the same color, but a small bird with little blush circles under its big dark eyes. The brand is the same as mine so they look similar.

An awkward silence had decided to settle between us as I continue to stare at nothing and feel the small charm between my fingers. My scarf around my neck half covers my face, hiding most of my emotion from Tono next to me. That feeling of him looking at me burns into my skull. I hate that feeling. The only one who can do that without making me feel uncomfortable is my brother.

"Tono," I'm not as pissed off as earlier, and I can tell the scarf around my neck and my head position muffles my voice. I can sense Tono being concerned and a little surprised. I continue after a small pause to see if he has anything to say. He doesn't. "Do you know what I did to get Kaoru mad at me?" It's a sincere question. One I can't figure out myself.

This question seems to throw him off. He stutters for a moment then silences himself to think. I can only assume he doesn't know either. But his guess is probably better then mine. I really just can't think.

"I'm not sure," He finally says. It's not what I want to hear. I want an answer; a real answer. Something I could go on for the moment and see if it's true. But when you start with a problem and nothing to help support you, you're screwed until something shows up. I don't want to wait. I want some answers now. "I'm sure things will turn for the better soon. You two have a special bond not a lot of people have. I'm sure whatever it is, Kaoru will forgive you sooner or later."

I find myself looking at him, stunned that Tono said that. It's just like him to say that, to make things sound like everything will be okay. I always know Kaoru will forgive me; at least that's what I want to believe. Maybe Haruhi was right about him wanting to prove a point. What I don't understand is what his point is and what I did to provoke him to have to make such a point.

"I hope so."


	3. Day 1: The Second Big Hit

**Chapter 3**  
_Day 1: The Second Big Hit_

The Hitachiin Estate. It's the only home Kaoru and I have ever known. Except maybe those few vacation homes our family owns here and there. Would you count those? Well, anyway, this estate is where my brother and I would "play" with the maids and sitters; where our mother would dress us up in frilly outfits and dresses that she designed herself, and show them off when we were still too young to understand the concept cross-dressing; where Kaoru is by himself. Without me. He's still avoiding me; I can feel it without even getting inside. I hate this feeling…

As usual, when I walk through the front door, I'm greeted by some of the servants. They're almost in perfect unison. Almost. One starts just after another, and, for some reason, I'm just now noticing this. I guess it's the fact I'm so used to having Kaoru next to me, saying what I say perfectly. These two just don't seem to understand the concept of unity like we do. No one could. They think they're being cute by doing what we do, but now it's getting annoying all of a sudden. I just want to plug my ears, crawl to my room, and prey everything will be okay.

"Hikaru-sama," Why does everyone insist on calling me today? "Kaoru-sama is up in his room. It's quite rare for you two to be apart like this." I don't get it. I don't get why these two have to be so obvious and why they just have to copy **us**. It's annoying and highly unnecessary.

I stop walking up the stairs and am motionless for a short moment. The servants are still staring at me with worry and I can feel it. I turn my head toward them partially, but most of my face is still shadowed. I finally have to ask, "Kaoru… He-He isn't upset at all… is he?" I almost regret asking now. There's a silence that follows and that gives me all the info I need. He's still mad at me and I still don't know why.

"He looked fine to—"

"I'm sorry Hikaru-sama. I'm not sure, but I do think there **is** something wrong with Kaoru-sama."

What the hell? I'm now a little concerned as I turn to see the family maids. The one on my left is holding the other close, her hand over the other's mouth to stop her from finishing her sentence. It's starting to remind me of a game my brother and I use to play where one of use would lie and the other would say he was telling the truth but would really be lying to mess with peoples' heads. That was fun. This isn't though; It's only fun when you're the one playing the game and making the rules. I got to stop this. Just like we use to stop games and whatnot when they weren't fun anymore…

"What's wrong?" They have my full attention now.

"Well, I can't really say for sure," The maid on my left speaks up again. The other is still silenced by the hand, and the grip only seems to get tighter when she starts resisting. I think she might have something to say, but the other one continues, "But when Kaoru-sama returned home, he looked so… distraught. I just wasn't sure what to do." The younger maid just looks over at the other with a questioning look. "He was almost as silent as a corpse and looked as grave. I couldn't catch much of what he muttered, but I do believe he said something along the lines of…" One of those annoying pauses then she starts up again, trying to imitate my brother's voice, "That Hikaru…! I can't believe him. He just doesn't understand what he's doing…!!" She let go of the other to grab her own face to make more of an emphasis. She's not that great of an actor.

I've had enough of this. I just turn around quickly and rush up the stairs, leaving the two maids bickering with one another at the main entrance. I don't care what they're saying, and, right now, I don't care about them. They're just giving me a headache that has only gotten worse since I left the Host Club for the day. I want to see Kaoru; I want to talk to him, but I don't know what to do or say. What **do** I do? I don't even know what I did, but that will change tonight.

…

As soon as I think of how I'm going to do this. I've got no clue right now. A hot bath would be nice since I'm still soaked from the downpour.

* * *

The whole bathroom is fogged up as the steam from the water cover everything with a fine layer of… wet. I can already feel a lot better as my headache vanished about fifteen minutes ago and my body is no longer shivering from a sudden burst of wind that just would freeze me normally. What I like the best, though, is the silence. It feels empty, but it's a nice change of pace. I'm almost use to silent moments Kaoru and I would have when we would take baths together or lay in bed, holding each other close. Those silences, they had meaning, and yelled out emotion that no one could understand. Without Kaoru, it doesn't feel right; it doesn't feel comforting. And I'm only just now figuring this out as I'm alone, in a bathtub. Naked. It's almost awkward.

Kaoru means a lot and having him mad at me just plain hurts. There really isn't a lot I could do to him to get him angry or upset. I would know. I've tried pushing my boundaries before, just to see how far Kaoru would let me go, or how harsh he would let me be without hurting him too much. Why is it when I'm trying to piss him off nothing happens, but when I'm not watching everything just goes all wrong? I've been thinking about that for a few hours since he walked off on me, and I've still gotten nowhere with it. For once in life, why can't the answer to my problems just come knocking and solve everything!?

…

Nothing. Of course. The only sounds I hear in the whole place are my random splashes I make and a clock from down the hall strike 1900. This would normally be the time Kaoru and I would finally decide to do our homework. He'd help me with my French and later I'd help him with math. It was simply a trade off that we would always do. I don't think I'll be learning how to say, "Excuse me sir, but your fly is undone" in French tonight. Kaoru won't learn how to figure the sine or cosine of a 30 60 90 right triangle, either. It's a pity, too…

The water in the tub is starting to get cold, or at least not as hot. When that happens, plus the fact that I'm getting a bit water logged, I've spent too much time in here. Normally I'd say "Kaoru's probably wondering where I am," but I can't say it now. He probably doesn't care. I can only assume. Running my hand through the reddish orange mess on top of my head, I slipped out and dried off a bit, and throw on the pants I had earlier since I didn't bring a change of clothes like I normally do. As I head out, I stop before the door. Next to me is a mirror. A plain old every day mirror that almost every other house in the world has. There's nothing special about it to anyone. Except Kaoru and me. Every mirror to us has this magic spell on it. Whenever I look into one, I don't see me. I see Kaoru. I see his sweet face that just doesn't look as cute as the real thing. Really, there's only one Kaoru, but this one I'm looking at right now is the only one that will listen to me.

I can't believe this. I'm talking to my reflection in the bathroom. Grabbing the towel and throwing it around my neck, I swipe at the mirror, smearing the condensation and walk out. This is getting into my head too much. The maids downstairs have moved, but I can still hear them arguing jus down the hall as I walk back to my room, still gloomy as ever. What's worse is I haven't really thought about what I would say to Kaoru. That's not the greatest way to solve a relationship problem. That's actually one of the many mistakes men make when they go to confront their girlfriend or whatever after a fight. With nothing planned, things would normally head in the wrong direction with the guy yelling whatever comes to mind first. I highly doubt that would happen. I'm not **that** much of an idiot.

I'm thanking God that my room isn't far away from the bathroom I used. It's less of a chance to run into Kaoru. It's not that I don't want to see him; I just don't know what I would say to him. That's just my—

…

It **is** just my luck. I'm frozen in the doorway, unable to think, let alone do much of anything. Kaoru is in my bed, sleeping peacefully with a pillow tightly in his arms. Sleeping with the softest and most beautiful expression I've seen on him in a long time. When we sleep together (which is like… 99.999% of the time) I'm usually the one to fall asleep first and wake up last. That damn window near the bed isn't helping my state of mind. It's letting in an awesome shade of orange on Kaoru's body and face that suits him perfectly. I now know why he wears orange so much. It's a beautiful color on him. One I wouldn't be able to pull off at all.

He looks sound asleep. Maybe today was just as tiring to him as it was for me? Kaoru **does** have low stamina when he doesn't feel all that great. I place my things that were in my pocket on the small table near the door, and cautiously walk towards my sleeping brother. My face heats up like before, and I would freeze every time he would twitch here and there in his sleep. I finally get close, and tower over him. That's when I realize something: I don't know what the hell I'm trying to do. Here I am alone with my sleeping brother who apparently is upset with me in my darkening room. Under normal circumstances, I'd crawl into bed with him and cuddle, probably whisper sweet nothings into his ear then fall asleep with him. Too bad I pissed him off.

I sigh heavily, and then realize that was stupid. I quickly cover my mouth out of habit, and just hope that I didn't wake Kaoru. Of course, as my luck would have it, he stirs. Kaoru tenses up just a bit, then lazily opens his golden eyes, and takes a moment to realize the situation. He darts up quickly, startling me and I take a step back, lowering my hand from my mouth. He's totally surprised and speechless right now. It's obvious in his eyes.

"H-Hikaru--!" There's a nervous stutter in his voice. It makes me want to just grab onto him and calm him down. I hold back. He looks away, flustered.

"Kaoru, what's—"

"I'm just leaving." I'm shocked. I don't really know how else to describe it. I guess I could also say I feel like I just got stabbed in the heart. It really hurts. "I just came to get my pillow," with that, my dear brother darts out, not bothering to say any more or even look at me in the eye, his pillow tightly in his arms. I'm jealous of that thing right now. I can hear the door slam behind me, and a few small things rattle and fall to the hard ground.

I don't know how long I was standing there silent in my room. **My** room. I hadn't even moved from my spot for about five to ten minutes. My head and heart hurt too much to run after him. Besides, you only do that when the reason the other person is hurt isn't your fault.

Finally, I fall onto my bed, and throw the other pillow that was left over my head, as I got more comfortable. It took a while, but I finally notice that the pillow smells of apples and spice. It smells of Kaoru. I pull it to the side and sit up, looking at the door. Why did Kaoru take **my** pillow? And a better question: why was he cuddled up with mine when he was sleeping on my bed?

I'm going to have to change the percentage to 99.998%.


	4. Day 2:Discussing Cakes and Passing Notes

**Chapter 4  
**_Day 2: Discussing Cakes and Passing Notes_

"Hikaru-sama," The maid's voice feels like a knife going though my brain right now. I didn't get **any** sleep last night. It felt empty without Kaoru; without his warmth and sweet little sighs he makes when I get restless and mess with him, usually poking his sides to get such reactions. I miss pulling him close and taking in his scent that's his alone. All I have is this stupid pillow that I've been holding since I laid back down last night.

"**Hikaru-sama.**" I groan a bit when she persists. I'm not use to her voice alone in the morning. Kaoru's usually the one to get me up; shaking me and yelling in a playful way until I give up and finally roll out of bed, taking him with me. We'd laugh together, goofing off until the maids would scold us again to get ready for school.

"Hikaru-sama!" I bolt up, and glare at the woman, clearly giving her the warning that I heard her the first time. I'm tired. Dead tired. As I'm rubbing my eye out of habit in the morning, I take notice of the maid's situation. It's the older one and just her. The other one that's usually with her is absent, and that perks my interest. Those two are usually together taking care of us. Why is there only one? Oh, right. She's the one who's in charge of watching and tending to me. The other's in charge of Kaoru. Since we're not together, they're not. Damn it, this is effecting more than us. I didn't think it would.

"Please, get out of bed, Hikaru-sama." This maid is persistent and I guess I understand why. I **can** be a little stubborn some times. "You need to get ready for school. Kaoru-sama has already left. It **is** getting late." I turn towards the clock quickly, seeing the time. It's already around 0700. What the hell happened? Where'd time go? I can't seem to keep track of much of anything without someone there. It's too lonely. I finally look up to where the maid was, but she had already left, slamming the door behind her. I'm left by myself again and it's a real reality shock. I almost feel like crying. God, I hate this…

* * *

The whole school is a little busier than it normally is when I get there. I'm usually here earlier. Kaoru is probably in the classroom already. Probably flirting around with Haruhi. I don't know why he would want to, but he has been known to do that. I wonder why sometimes. I can't really complain too much as I trust Kaoru, and I know he wouldn't make a fool of himself like Tamaki-sempai does. Tono can be really annoying sometimes.

I can hear distant high pitch "squees" as I head toward my classroom. Some are from my fans, others are from **our** fans. There are a few that sound disappointed, and I can only assume it's because my brother isn't with me. I sometimes just stop and think about a lot of things. Why do these girls here act the way they do? I've never really cared (and I still don't in a way) as long as I was having fun and so was Kaoru. At least when I think he's having fun. He never complains too much. Of course he has before, but it was never anything major. It usually was something that I should change in a script I wrote or when I would accidently push him out of bed during the night. I always feel so bad when that happens. I do have to admit; I think it's kinda funny how he reacts.

When I finally reach homeroom 1-A, I slump down into my desk and don't bother to take notice of my surroundings. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll lock eyes with Kaoru, and then not be able to look away. That look he gave me before he ran off last night almost killed me. It looked so pained, like he couldn't bare the sight of me. I can't blame him. He's upset with something, something I did. I keep saying that, yet I've made almost no effort to find out what. I just can't do too much because I don't want to see him look like that ever again. It crushed my heart.

There's a light tap on my shoulder that makes me bolt up from my desk that I was laying my head on. My gold eyes lock with brown, and I mentally sigh with relief that they're not another pair of gold. Haruhi looks a little surprised by my jumpy behavior, and I don't blame her. I'm usually calmer than this. Lack of sleep and too much worry will put my nerves on end.

"Um, you okay?" There was a bit of a pause before she speaks up. I'm not too sure as to what to say. Do I lie and say everything is fine? Or tell the truth that I'm falling apart at the seams and make her worry? I decide against both and just go back to leaning my arms against the desk again and shrug a bit, remaining silent for the time. I just don't know what to say to her.

"Well," her voice drags off for a moment. I'm still staring at nothing in front of me, unnaturally quite. "Kyouya-sempai wants to know what your favorite kind of cake is. I was going to ask Kaoru, but he's busy with—" I look up at her after a moment when she cuts off. She seems to be thinking about something. It's not what she's thinking about that catches my attention. First, why would Kyouya-sempai want to know what kind of cake I like? Second, what's Kaoru so busy with that he can't answer a stupid question like that? Haruhi seems to have found what she was saying, "Well… It's not that he's busy… It's more like… I wanted to hear it from you. I guess." Half of what she was saying, Haruhi wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were at the other side of the room the first half. Before I answer her, I glance over at where she was looking, but there's nothing there of particular interest. Except that girl with an outrageous hairstyle that so doesn't fit her. Haruhi wouldn't be too interested in that, though. At least her attention is back on me and I have **someone** who will listen.

"Uh… Kaoru and I like—"

"What about you, Hikaru?" Haruhi cut me off and it's a little shocking. Not so much as when Kaoru did it, but I wasn't expecting it. I look up at her from my desk she's standing next to, a lost and questioning look on my face.

"What about me?" My voice comes out more monotone than I wanted. I'm just (almost) worried that she's wanted to get to a certain point I don't want.

"What do **you** like?" It's a simple question that, for some reason, gets to me. I don't know why, but it almost bothers me. Kaoru and I like the same things, so why would she need to ask something like that and interrupt me? "**He** wants to know."

I'm silent for a moment as I try to understand what she means. For whatever reason, I get the feeling that this "he" isn't Kyouya-sempai anymore. I don't know what made me think that. Maybe her tone of voice? Whatever it was, I don't think it matters anyway. I mean, it's just cake, right?

With a small sigh, I look out the window next to me and lean forward again on the desk. We're making such a big deal about cake. At least I am. Is this what Kaoru meant when he said I could be childish?

"…German Chocolate," I'm blunt, and probably sound like some snotty little kid. When I glance back up at Haruhi, there's that cutesy little smile only she could ever pull off. I don't know how other people haven't figured out that she is a girl. Well, I guess I can't say too much since almost everyone in the Host Club thought she was a boy except Kyouya-sempai. Even Kaoru and I. Tono is just an idiot, so he doesn't count.

She thanks me and as she's going to her desk, she pats my shoulder. I'm still facing the window and I'm thankful for that because my eyes widen a bit and I can feel my face heat up a little. My body tenses up a bit, but it's not from discomfort. I actually like this feeling. It's different from all the other sensations I get and only Haruhi can give me them. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want Tono to have her.

Classes are painfully slow today. It's not helping that I keep looking at the clock every two seconds. I don't know where I want to go so badly, but just knowing that my dear brother is only two chairs away on my right is driving me over the edge. For **once**, I'm happy that they put Haruhi between Kaoru and I. I'd probably snap right about now if he were next to me. It's hard keeping my head cool, but I've managed by doing little things to keep me distracted: doodling in my notebook (that I had to stop since most of the doodles where headed toward being about Kaoru and it was taking up more space then the actual notes); paying attention (which stopped almost immediately since Kaoru decided to start answering all the questions out loud, and in math, nonetheless); and tapping my pencil on the desk, trying to drone out my brother's voice (but was stopped after about half an hour as the teacher finally had enough and told me to stop about five times). With nothing to distract me, I start to worry that tonight will be just like last night. I don't want to be alone knowing something's wrong between us. If everything was fine and he's just being around different people than me, I'd be okay with it, more or less. At least more than this. This is horrible.

I'm about to walk out of class and go to the bathroom to scream. Anything to get rid of this frustration for even five minutes. A small piece of paper stops me, though. I glance at the teacher then take the folded paper and examine it. I look over at Haruhi a little confused that she would pass a note in class. My thoughts about that are put to rest when she looks back and shrugs, signaling to me that's it's not from her and that she probably doesn't know what it's about. I flip it over to see if there's anything that shows who it's from. All I find is my name. In Kaoru's handwriting. Why would he write me a note? I glance up at the teacher again to see if he's watching, then quickly unfold it, running my eyes over his neat handwriting. Before I actually read it, though, I lean forward cautiously to look at my brother for the first time that day. I'm totally caught off guard. He's looking back at me with eyes that I just don't recognize on him. Kaoru seems a little pissed, and our eyes lock together. Gold meeting gold. Some say that golden eyes are a sign of corruption. I'm not sure if I can believe that or not. He sighs a little then turns towards the front of the class, his hands fold together in a non-caring way that hurts and pisses me off.

I look back at the note, finding it more crumpled than when I got it. I guess I accidently got a little nervous when Kaoru stared me down. I've never seen that look in his eyes before. At least not pointed at me. I look back down at the note, and actually read it this time, instead of admiring the handwriting. It's too simple and to the point.

_I'm Jealous._

Jealous? Of what? This may be my only chance to find out what exactly the hell's going on with him. I glance up at the front once again, and then quickly write down my question as to why he feels that way. I find it almost funny that Kaoru's handwriting is a little neater than mine. It's no surprise if you think about it. For a split second, I debate if I really want to ask. The decision doesn't take long. I fold the paper again and shove it toward Haruhi. I'm keeping my eyes in front of me on my desk, but I can hear her sigh after a moment and take the note from my death grip I had on it. Being nervous is such a weird feeling.

Each second that passes that I don't have a reply from my brother, I can feel myself start to lose it even more little by little. I can't even concentrate on the lecture the teacher is giving about how much math means to the human race. I don't even know how I know what it's about with my lack of attention today.

I'm snapped out of my own little world that I usually share with Kaoru by a soft voice calling my name. It's Haruhi. Turning my head toward her, she "stealthfully" plops the note on my desk, trying not to be caught by the teacher. Seriously, she's too cute sometimes. I quickly grab the note and read it. It startles me more than the last one. Under my question of why he's jealous, his answer is beautifully written and just as painful.

_Haruhi._

Haruhi…? Our Haruhi? The Haruhi right between us that the great Suoh Tamaki has fallen for and the one that we, the Hitachiin Twins, see as our new toy? **That** Haruhi!? Why the hell would he need to be jealous because of that tanuki? If anything, he should like her. She's incredibly smart, sensible, and downright cute to not—

Oh, God. Is Kaoru jealous of **me** because I spend so much time on Haruhi? He's feeling left out; left behind because I never give him the chance to be with Haruhi. If that's true…

Some older brother I am for not noticing sooner.


	5. Day 2: Absent

**Chapter 5**  
_Day 2: Absent_

The bells rung out dismissing classes for the day about half an hour ago. Our club activities will start soon, and I just might be a little late. Today, I just don't have the urge or want to even go. Kaoru darted off when class ended and I didn't have the chance to catch him. He didn't even look at me. That hurts even more then when de does. Especially when I know that he's jealous of me because of Haruhi. I feel a little better knowing that, but I'm not sure if it's worth it. This guilty feeling is eating away at my heart; the part that belongs to Kaoru. And that's most of it. Why the hell do these halls have to be so long!? When I'm alone for too long I start thinking thoughts I'd rather not.

The Third Music Room. This is where the only people I seriously want to spend time with and like gather together to "entertain young women" who have way to much time on their hands. That's what Tono says, at least. I'm hoping (more like praying) that Kaoru will be there right now. If he's not, I'm not going to hang around no matter what Tono does. There's no way I can be a "good" host without him. No way in hell.

I sigh softly as the large doors click shut behind me after I enter, and I glance around the room that is rarely used for its intentional purpose. Everyone seems busy with something. Even Kyouya-sempai, who is usually writing away in his little black book of his, is helping Tono get his costume on. It's just a normal day at the Host Club. The only thing missing: my dear brother. I guess I'll be leaving a little early today.

"Hikaru," I snap my head up towards Kyouya-sempai who calls me. There's a glare on his glasses so I can't see his eyes at all like normal. "This is rather unexpected. Well, since you're here, go help Haruhi fix up her costume. She seems to be having a little trouble getting it right." He doesn't give me much time to argue as he's back to jotting down notes (or whatever it is he writes all the time) and walks back toward Tono, who seems to be preaching to Hunny-sempai for whatever reason. I can't hear. I don't really care.

"Kyouya-sempai," I don't know what gave me the courage to ask, but it's too late to turn back. Especially when it catches Tono's attention as well. I pause, thinking exactly how to put it without sounding desperate. "Where's Kaoru?" Simple. Hopefully effective.

"Hm?" Kyouya-sempai stops, but seems just a tad confused. This gets me a little concerned. He's not overly confused, I can tell. I mean, c'mon. It's Ootori Kyouya. He happens to know everything. "Didn't you get the message from Kaoru or Haruhi?"

"…What message?" I'm staring at him blankly. I don't even know what to think or do.

"Oh. Kaoru will not be able to attend club activities today. Since he will be absent, I figured it would be best if you took the day off as well. Can't sell 'brotherly love' with only one brother, now can we?" I absolutely hate how he says it so coolly. What he says in general is meant to be helpful, but there's a hidden tone he uses that masks his intentions. He's always like that; figuring ways of making a profit out of anything or merits for himself and only worrying about that. Things rarely go wrong when he plans something. It may go totally out of plan, but the results will always be how he expects it. I wish I had his damn luck.

* * *

Haruhi's hair feels really soft today. Tono wants something a priestess would have, but she refuses for a few good reasons. I totally understand unlike our stupid Lord. Haruhi can't afford to look too much like a girl or some of the guests might get suspicious and find out. I highly doubt that will happen any time soon, but no one wants to chance it. Tono (and as much as I hate to say it… myself) doesn't want to loose her as the Host Club's only true princess. Renge's the "Self-Proclaimed Manager" so she couldn't count. Besides, there's no way in hell that she would ever be as pretty as Haruhi. No way. Never.

I sigh heavily, but when I do, a soft "ouch" brings me back to the music room again. I guess I accidently pulled at a knot or something in Haruhi's hair with the comb. Her hand rushes to her head, and I bluntly apologize to her. Silence creeps up on us again, and I feel awkward like before. Knowing I'm spending more "alone" time with Haruhi makes me worry about Kaoru even more. What if he thinks I came to the club today to spend even more time with Haruhi and not him? I mean, that's what's happening, but it wasn't intentional! He's just going to end up hating me even more, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle that.

"Hikaru," I quickly snap out of my thoughts and lean against the back of the chair she's sitting in, looking at her at a distance a little closer than I intended. She's got a concerned look to her face, but there **is** a slight glimpse of a smile in there. Her small hair ornament I put in is a bit crooked. It suits her, though. "What's wrong? No one else is around, so… you can tell me." For a moment, I'm speechless. I just don't know what to tell her right now. I could easily spill my guts out about how I'm slowly losing it, bit by bit without Kaoru there to keep me in check. I could tell her how Kaoru's jealous of me because **I **take up more of **her** time then he does. I could also say a complete lie that would only backfire on me as she would probably protest, saying I'm not acting like myself. I'll at least say something this time.

"Haruhi," I bite my lip. Breathing in deeply, I stand straight up behind her chair like I was before, and I can't look at he anymore. It's hard to admit, but she's the problem for a lot of things around here. She's the reason Tono just might be in love and that his view on a lot of things is changing. She's the reason Kyouya-sempai stresses out every now and then when he starts getting reminded of that "small" debt she owes, plus some. And she's the one who invaded "**our**" world, forcing it to expand and accept others weather she (or "we") knew it or not. Even though a lot of things go wrong around here now, I can never say I regret meeting her. Never.

"It's Kaoru, isn't it?" Hearing her voice, I quickly look down at her again and that untamed understanding smile of hers gets at my heart again. I can feel myself heating up because of it. Her smile gets bigger and I can only assume she thinks I'm blushing due to embarrassment because she's right. Well… she **is** half right… I just look away again stubbornly, that embarrassed feeling slowing sinking in.

"Yeah… it is," my voice is softer then it normally is. It almost annoys me how she's always right with these kinds of things and that I'm just too easy to read. If I didn't like her so much, it really would annoy the shit out of me.

A question pops up in my head, and it's one that I've actually wanted to ask for a while. I figure now's the best time to ask.

"H-Haruhi, have I really changed so much that now even Kaoru doesn't know me…?" There's a bit of a silence between us again. The only thing ruining it is Tono wailing about something. I don't care enough to know exactly what. Haruhi finally turns towards me, even though we don't have eye contact. I can feel her staring at me. What's really worrying me is that it doesn't feel uncomfortable besides the fact I have my brother on my mind. If I wasn't freaked out about him, I'd probably… feel really happy right now.

"Hm? What do you mean?" Her brown eyes are focusing on me. And me only for once. It feels kinda nice.

I sigh, "Kaoru's been avoiding me lately, and I think—"

The sound of something crashing cuts me off, and I turn to see what happened. I only get a glimpse of some red head before Haruhi grabs up at me. I'm left in a speechless state as she has her arms tightly wrapped around my neck, and a hand pushing my head down toward her. In all honestly, this is the most comfortable awkwardness I've ever felt. In the background that I can hardly make out, I hear Tono's and Kyouya-sempai's voice mumbling something. A smaller voice cuts in, quick footsteps, then a door slamming. The voice was too familiar for me to mistake or miss. I could never mistake someone's voice for my own dear brother's. Never. I know it too well. Haruhi finally lets go of me, and the feeling of her arms slowly running over my shoulders and chest gets my heart going again. I think my brain might explode from all the blood that's been rushing to my face today. At least it's not rushing somewhere else. Oh, thank God it's not. Not now.

"I-I'm sorry, Hikaru." I swallow hard and stand back up from the chair to look at her from a more comfortable distance that my heart will allow. Any closer and it'll start going out of control again. "You just looked like you needed a hug." She glances behind me for a short second before smiling up at me. Her smile wasn't forced at all, I could tell, but it defiantly wasn't "real". It felt like… just another smile you could see from any person off the street that would mean nothing to me. I was also really tempted to see what the hell was going on behind me, seeing as it caught Haruhi's attention. But when I did, all I saw was an upset Hunny-sempai a top Mori-sempai's shoulders and a seemingly irritated Kyouya-sempai cleaning up a destroyed tea set that must've been knocked off a table. By the look of it, Hunny-sempai must've hit it on accident when running around with his Usa-chan. If that's what happened, then… why did I hear my brother's voice? I know I did. I'm not totally losing it yet. I don't plan to until I'm like… seventy, or something.

A hand comfortingly lands on my shoulder and sends a chill down my spine. It's Haruhi's. My eyes dart toward it, then a little higher to meet hers, which are staring right back. I can understand why Kaoru is jealous. She really is beautiful right now; her big brown eyes, cute haircut (thanks to us, I might add), that crooked hairpiece, the loose fitting light pink kimono Tono probably picked out for her. Her everything, to put it simply. Why wouldn't Kaoru want to spend more time with her?

"Thanks, Hikaru," Haruhi smiles a more meaningful smile this time, and I couldn't help but return it with a small one of my own. She pats my shoulder a few times then walks a little closer to the others who are finishing up a few things. "The club's going to open soon. You should go talk to Kaoru. I'm sure he would like that." It feels really weird not knowing if he really would or not. I glance out the window and the sun is shining brightly today. I'm hoping it's a good omen.


	6. Day 2: Memories and Confrontation

**Chapter 6**  
_Day 2: Memories and Confrontation _

"_C'mon Kaoru. It's not that much farther. I promise!"_

_A soft giggle, "Hikaru, where are we going? Momma is going to be upset if she finds us out of our room."_

"_Ah, she won't find out. Besides, we won't be there long."_

"_So, why are you taking me to where ever it is?"_

"_I wanna show you something. I think you'll like it."_

"_I'm sure I will."_

"_Close your eyes. I want it to be a surprise."_

_A round window creaked open._

"_Look Kaoru! Isn't it pretty?"_

"…_Oh, wow!"_

"_Told ya you'd like it."_

"_Hikaru, look at all the colors! The leaves are so pretty!"_

"_Yeah. And just think, Kaoru, we can come here whenever we want! Just us."_

"_Heheh… You don't want to share?"_

"_Of course not!"_

"_And why is that?"_

"_This is ours. Not anyone else's! We'll share it between us and us only, got it, Kaoru?"_

"_Just like we share everything else."_

"…"

"_Hikaru, do you think we'll be able to share everything forever?"_

"_Why wouldn't we? We'll be together forever, so of course."_

"_I hope so…"_

I remember that day. It **is **a little fuzzy, but I remember most of it. Kaoru and I would always sneak out after bedtime and spend about an hour or so up here. We would just mess around until one of us got tired and was basically falling asleep on the spot. Back then, and even now, Kaoru has always been adorable and looked so innocent when he was about to nod off. I was surprised that no one ever found out. Or they did, but weren't too concerned. I doubt that though.

I miss the two of us climbing up here and spending time together. The view is amazing for a small window that's in one of the attics. Of course, it's a little harder to actually get up here since the only way we know is through a small latched door. We **have **grown since we were seven years old. I still think it's worth it. I'm gonna have to drag Kaoru back up here again sometime, even if he's still mad at me. Maybe the sight will calm him down a bit and we can talk about thing whole thing. If only things could go back to the way they were. Kaoru and I were happy, only needing and relying on each other. We were the only people we needed, and still need. Tono and Haruhi are the ones who changed all this. The leaves on the trees are more dead than nine years ago at this time of year.

The window closes with a loud screech due to the rust when I notice the sun's starting to set already. I decide to go back to my room when the horizon turns a shade of orange that reminds me of my brother. He likes orange too much. I like orange on him too much. When I got up here, I didn't think it would be so hard to get back down. The door's a tight fit, but I finally manage after a bit of a struggle. I'm actually surprised that the maids aren't making their normal rounds right about now.

"_Oh, where are they!?"_

"_Just be patient Hikaru. We __**did**__ get here a little early."_

_So? We've been waiting a whole five minutes, Kaoru! They're supposed to have been here by now making sure everything's how it's supposed to be!"_

"_They probably noticed we weren't in our room and took a detour, looking for us."_

"…"

"_Just think of how funny this will be when we see their reactions when we get them."_

"_Yeah… It'll be awesome."_

"…_Oh! Someone's coming!"_

"_Finally! Is your water gun ready, Kaoru?"_

_It's filled to the brim with Tabasco sauce and all pumped up."_

"_You ready?"_

"_Only if you are."_

Kaoru always went along with my crazy ideas. No matter how insane they were. It took me a while to figure out why. And to be honest, I wasn't the one to figure it out. Kaoru told me one day when we were in middle school and going through our little "mischievous" stage that he'll always go along with whatever I say or plan because he trust me and my judgments. He also said that I would never do anything to hurt him intentionally. Accidents happen and can't be helped. I only agree that he's right about part of it. I really never would do anything to purposely hurt him. I have to watch out for him because that's what older brothers do. They protect their younger siblings. If Kaoru trusts me and my judgments, then why doesn't he trust that I'm not ignoring him on purpose? I'm not even ignoring him!

It's odd. These halls are strangely quiet today. I know Mother and Father are still off in London for that business trip, but most of the maids usually make some kind of noise at this time. Usually, Kaoru and I are doing our homework or started planning out the next day's act for the club. Right when I think that, I stop all of a sudden. Then it hits me: I hear Kaoru's voice. Finally, I take notice of my surroundings and I find myself in front of a closed door that leads to a room that was originally for Kaoru, He stayed in there one night, but it didn't last. A thunderstorm rolled in that night and we were only five at the time.

_"H-Hikaru…"_

"_Kaoru!! There you are! I was looking everywhere."_

"_Hikaru! What happened? The storm woke me up, but then you weren't there next to me! I got worried."_

"_I think Mama took you while we were sleeping."_

"_Why would she do that? Mama and Papa know we __**always**__ sleep together!"_

"_It's 'cuz adults are stupid and they don't know! Now, c'mon! We're going back to __**our**__ room. There's no way I'm gonna lose you 'cuz of something a stupid adult wants!"_

"_Hey, Hikaru? Do you think we could get that new nanny to tell us a story? Hers are the best."_

"_Sure, Kaoru. I love them, too. Especially the one where her and a team go to steal a jewel—"_

"—_But her teammates were traders and stole the jewel themselves—"_

"—_But she known and switched the jewel with a fake—"_

"—_And she kept the real one—"_

"—_And kept the money it was worth!"_

"_Hey, Hikaru?"_

"_Yeah, Kaoru?"_

"_Nanny is an adult, right?"_

"_Yeah, I think."_

"_Would that make her stupid, too?"_

"…"

"…_Hikaru?"_

"_We don't have to count her…"_

Trust. That's something we, the Hitachiin Twins, have trouble with. We either blindly believe someone, going along with that they say, or don't give someone our attention who deserves it. I guess it's mostly me, but Kaoru will follow me no matter what. That's what he told me, anyway. I believe him. I trust him more then anyone. Even our parents. It's horrible, but true. Once Mother can confidently tell her own sons apart, then I'll trust her more, but until then…

That door right in front of me is calling my name to open it. I guess what's making me say that is the fact I can hear Kaoru saying my name here and there rather calmly. Whatever else he's saying, I can't make out. I press my ear against the door silently in hopes I can figure out what he's doing. This was all I got:

"No, Hunny-sempai. I know this is hard on him, but— … Don't worry. Hikaru may hate me later for this, but everything will be all right by tomorrow. I promise. … Yeah. Hey, I got to go. Chemistry homework. It'll take forever without Hikaru's help. I'll see you tomorrow. … Bye."

I'm not sure when exactly I opened the door, but when I realized it; I was staring at my brother's back as he's sitting at a desk that was rarely used, along with the room itself. When I take a step forward for whatever reason, the floor underneath me creaks loudly. I could only wince at it, knowing it's too late to make a run for it. Just as I thought, Kaoru quickly turns toward me, startled. I open my eyes slowly, and I wish I could just run right now. He's looking at me with those hurt filled eyes that just rip at my heart. I don't even know why I wanted to come in.

"H-Hikaru, what are **you** doing here?" He turns away from me and goes back to his paperwork. My brother's tone sounds like we had been fighting for weeks and never even got close to making up. It… It really hurts, but I can't run. I've been running away too much and haven't given him a chance.

"Kaoru, we—we need to talk." I feel so awkward. I'm being so quiet and almost meek. Is this was Kaoru feels like sometimes at the club?

"Maybe I don't want to talk," He's curt.

"Since when do you not want to talk?" I can feel a little bit of my suppressed anger start to come up as I get a little more brave and take a step further, closer to him.

"Since you decided to talk to Haurhi more." He is jealous of me. Kaoru's been cold before to people, but never like this. Or to me. He tenses up more over the desk where he shuffles the papers a little. From what I can see, it doesn't look like Chemistry.

"Why would you think that?" I blurt out, not really thinking anymore. I'm letting my emotions get the better of me, and I really don't care.

He turns towards me harshly, glaring at me with hateful eyes. That kind of look doesn't fit him at all. He's not supposed to be the brother who gets angry and shows it so publicly. He's not supposed to be upset at all.

"Well, for one, you went to the club today, after Haruhi told you that you didn't have to go. Two—"

"Haruhi never told me that," I say firmly. I didn't want to cut him off, but I didn't want him to think I left him for Haurhi. I didn't.

There's a silent between us, and as I look over Kaoru's face, I notice something: he seems confused. It's a confused that isn't like the one he gets when he figures something out that he didn't know before. Looking away from me, his eyes dart around a bit as he's analyzing something. I can tell. Something seems a little off with him.

"I-I thought that was why she was talking with you this morning." He's still not looking at me, and lightly biting his right thumbnail. That's when I see it. He hand his wrapped up a bit with bandages.

"Kaoru! What in the hell happened!?" When he realizes what I'm yelling about, Kaoru quickly throws his hand behind him, but it's pointless now. I rush over to him and grab his hand, noticing it looks like he tended to it himself. I regret being so rash when he winces at my touch, but it was probably the only way I would've gotten it. I look back up at his face, confused and overly worried, but, again, I'm denied eye contact.

"It's nothing, Hikaru." He says it too simply for me to get over it. He says it like it doesn't matter whatsoever, and that pisses me off.

"It's not **nothing**, Kaoru." I glance up at him, not caring if he's looking or not. With all of the sixteen years we've been together, I know he can at least feel me worrying about him. "Don't lie to me. You know what I said about you lying to **me**." I stop there, waiting for him to finish it. He knows it.

"…You'd never talk to me again…" Kaoru seems to have calmed down, as he sighs the sentence in what appears as defeat.

I sigh myself, and barely smile up at him. After a moment of silence, I ask, "What happened?"

His silence is too long and it gives me the feeling that what he's going to say just might blow me off. What he does say surprises me, "I… I tripped and knocked something over. When I tried to clean it up, I cut myself on accident. Happy?"

"…Really?" It's half-hearted.

"Really…" His voice is just above a whisper. It's driving me crazy. Kaoru's not trying to run away from me anymore, which give me a little hope, but there's still a painful tension between us that only reminds me that everything is still not okay. He's still upset with me for being with Haruhi more then him, and I'm not sure how to fix it, really.

"Hikaru, I want to be alone tonight." His voice sounds soft, courteous, and hurt. By the way he spoke, Kaoru isn't trying to hurt me, but he is anyway. Not only by the statement itself, but his voice. The fact he sounds hurt, hurts me more than if he was to yell at me.

"You were alone last night," I'm blunt. My eyes are still on his right hand, still worrying. The gauze that's being held in place on his palm by the bandages is partially dark red from his blood. It's a real cut, too. This isn't some fake injury.

"I want to be alone again." Kaoru takes his hand back and turns toward his desk, signaling that that's the end of the discussion. I don't really feel like arguing with him. Besides, we're still obviously fighting and, I absolutely hate to say it, maybe sleeping separately will be for the best tonight. That doesn't even sound right coming from me.

I don't say anything more as I leave, and before I shut the door behind me, Kaoru mutters something. I can barely make it out.

"…Please forgive me, Hikaru…"

* * *

My bed feels way too big for just me. It's too spacious and the side I'm laying on just reeks of Kaoru. I shouldn't say "reeks". That's a word people usually use when something smells horrible. Kaoru smells good in opinion. The whole combination of apples, spices, and that unique smell people have just melt together perfectly. I wonder what I smell like? Hopefully something Kaoru likes. He hasn't complained yet, except for those times in gym class…

I glance up at the clock and find it later than I thought: about 2300. I sigh heavily and sit up, still holding Kaoru's pillow close to me, not wanting to lose his scent just yet. There's a sudden buzzing noise from across the room for a moment that startles me. I don't know what it is for a few seconds, then it hits me: my cell phone. Reluctantly, I get up and pick it up off the floor where it fell last night. I guess I forgot it this morning due to the rush. There's a text message that says it's from Tono, but I don't really care to read it right now. Snapping the phone shut, I sigh again and look down at the phone charm. The small monkey lost an arm and a leg, the tail is chipped off, and there's a bit of the right ear missing. The thing is breaking into pieces.

I bite my lip and grip my phone tightly with both hands, bringing it close to my face. On Kaoru's desk, I saw his phone, but the charm I got him was nowhere to be seen. I just bite my lip harder and fight back the urge to want to start crying. I can feel my hands start to tremble a bit now. I hate this.

Mine's breaking and Kaoru's is gone.

* * *

_Author's Notes:  
I know the difference between "trader" and "traitor". _


	7. Day 3: Deadline

**Chapter 7  
**_Day 3: Deadline_

Kaoru hates me. This is an established fact. He been purposely avoiding me all morning; dodging me when we were in the hall, or skipping out on breakfast all together. He was only in the dining room for a moment, but quickly walked out when he saw me. On normal circumstances, I would be able to tell what was wrong and what he was thinking at the moment. But with the lack of communication and contact in general, that's basically impossible. I was forced to eat breakfast by myself in silence. No dirty jokes; no complaints that there wasn't enough maple syrup for our pancakes; no silly little food fights between us where we would shove whatever we could grab into the other's face and start laughing at each other. I would usually win as Kaoru would start begging for me to stop, or when the maids would scold us again. When they would leave, I would shove one more thing into my brother's face. For good measure. There was none of that today.

Despite how this morning went, and how class is going now, I guess at the moment things are all right. Kaoru still seems to be holding that grudge against me, but at least during Chemistry when we were paired up together he talked to me. It wasn't anything useful, of course. All he ever said were some of the answers for the worksheet or asked if what he wrote down was right or not. But it was nice to at least hear his voice when he calmed down again and wasn't hiding anything in his voice. Is all this really because of Haruhi? I can't help but think that there might be more to why my brother is acting the way he is. I have no way to find out, though. I can't just go right up to him and ask. He always avoids the question. At least, he does now.

The bells chime out signaling that it's now the break for lunch. I'm not going right away to avoid an "unnecessary encounter" with Kaoru. He'd probably just brush me off like I was just some random kid off the street. I don't know if he'd actually do that in front of so many people. I got a good feeling though that he would. He **did** stand me up the other day during the Host Club. Maybe I won't go to lunch at all. Suddenly, I feel sick to my stomach.

A few moments after I decide to lay my head down, planning on taking a small nap before class begins again, someone lightly taps my desk a few times. For a moment, I figure it's either someone just randomly passing by or Haruhi. The mutter of my name, though, quickly answers that for me.

"Hikaru," my brother calls out again in that voice of his that reeks of resentment that's masked by a sweet softness he tries to pull together. So much for my nap. "I…" He pauses for a moment, and I sit up a bit more, though still refuse to actually look at him. "I just wanted to return this." A piece of paper with something wrapped inside plops on my desk when Kaoru put it next to me. I don't make any effort to grab at it yet, though I desperately want to. "It seems I don't need it anymore." My brother's left hand is still resting on the desk, and when I finally decide to glance down at it, I see it faintly trembling. Kaoru's hiding something from me. That's just as bad as lying, but, for this once, I won't hold it against him.

"Well, since you seem rather busy, I'm going to—" Due to pure brotherly instincts, and a strong desire to do so, before he can finish his sentence I quickly grab his left hand and hold it against the desk. I can feel him start to tremble a bit more under my hand. I was half expecting him to try and pull away or yell at me. But he didn't, so I took the chance to tighten my grip protectively. I've missed the feeling of his skin on mine, the feeling of his heat radiating off him. The feeling of knowing everything is just right and nothing is wrong in our world. For right now, I don't want to let go of him. Ever. I know it's only been a little more then a day, but when you spend about sixteen years next to someone you truly care about, and never having them leave your side for more then half an hour, you start to feel like a drug addict. Without your stimulus, you start craving it more and more and feel that **anything** is better than nothing.

"Kaoru," I'm still not looking up at him, as my grip tightens just a little more, careful not to harm him. That's the last thing I want. "We **need** to talk." Finally, I look up at him with a look that clearly says, "I'm dead serious about this."

His hand tenses up more under mine, but there's still no resistance to my touch. I continue to hold onto him when he speaks up, "Hikaru, now's not a good time."

"Then when is, Kaoru?" As I rise from my seat, so does my voice. He's getting me worked up, and I'm just desperate for some answers now. All I want is for things to go back to the way they were. I want things to be okay with everyone again… I want my little brother back.

Kaoru just looks away from me, and I realize I'm still grasping his hand like it's a lifeline. Right now, it feels like one. His eyes dart up for a second, and I notice he nods ever so slightly. I tighten my grasp a little on his hand and it brings Kaoru's attention back to it. After a moment, his golden eyes meet mine, and he sighs a little.

"Hikaru, if you want to talk so badly," He paused for a moment, looking away for a second. "Then why don't you come to the Third Science Room after school today? Kyouya-sempai decided to hold the club today in the courtyard. So I could say I forgot when we're late." When I look up at him, there was no smile, no shine in his eyes like normal, and no happiness that I could see. That's not right. At all. That look made me start to worry that when we finally do talk, I might say something stupid and ruin everything between us. I might have to see that look more often.

I can feel him slightly tug on his hand, wanting to leave. It's obvious in his eyes, too. After a moment of me staring at him, I reluctantly let go and watch him walk off. He'll be back in about five minutes since classes will start up again and he'll have to come back. I slump back down to my seat, feeling almost awkward as other peoples' eyes are finally starting to get to me. I normally wouldn't care if others stared at us. But right now it's not **us**. It's just **me**. I've never really known what it's like to feel alone. Kaoru has always been there for me whether I needed him or not. He's always just **been there**. Always been by me; close enough for me to **feel** that he's there. Close enough to feel secure.

Whispers, rumors, and murmurs start up right after Kaoru walked out, and I finally reach out and take the thing that my brother left. When I unwrapped it and saw what had become of it, I throw it down on the ground, cross my arms and slam my head down on them on the desk. No one bothered to pick up the pieces of a small brown bird.

I'm not going to cry. I refuse to let my emotions get the best of me totally. Not here. I don't think I actually ever cried over something. There was that time when we were eight and our favorite nanny left. But that wasn't real. I've never felt this kind -- this much disappointment before. It's not disappointment toward Kaoru. Not at all. I'm disappointed in myself by the way I'm handling this. I've made so many mistakes that I should've noticed right when I made them and made up for them on the spot. But I didn't. I let myself get distracted by someone who isn't Kaoru. I let Kaoru notice and get upset about it. I let him leave me for it. I let things get this bad. The only way I could ever make it up to him for all of this that I've done is to full-heartedly apologize and explain my end of the story. Hopefully he'll understand and things can start to go back to normal. I don't know if it could fully reach our past relationship because of our interaction with the **outside world**. Once something is broken, even in the slightest way, it can never be restored to it's full potential again no matter what you try or do. There's always going to be some doubt hanging over him, pulling at his heart and yelling that I might not be as faithful as I appear. But I've got to at least hope. I've got to at least try to fix things in any way I can. Kaoru deserves it.

When classes start up again, it takes me a while to even focus that the teacher is talking. I lean over toward Haruhi's desk to ask what he's talking about, but she's not there. I look further and Kaoru is still gone, too. Where'd they go? It's not like Kaoru to skip classes. Haruhi can't afford to so why is she gone too?

"Hitachiin-san," The teacher doesn't sound very pleased at the moment. It's not often that he actually refers to us as "-san", either. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but please focus for the remainder of my class period. Honestly…" He goes back to writing formulas for the Chemistry equation. Something about magnesium and water, I think.

Classes went worse than yesterday. I couldn't get my mind off Kaoru and where he went. I hope he didn't get sick or something. It's so weird. Right now with how things are, classes are miserable with Kaoru just two seats away. They're even worse when he's not. I can't focus on the schoolwork or even the lecture because my mind has its priorities. My brother is above schoolwork and everything else. Even if we're fighting or whatever this is, I'm still his older brother. I still worry about him. I guess that's why I hate thinking about the future. The "here and now" is more important. Schoolwork is going to have to wait a few days if necessary to focus on Kaoru and his needs.

When the bells chime that classes are dismissed, I'm one of the first to dart out of 1-A, ignoring any calls I get from concerned students. Mostly the girls. Club activities start in half an hour, and the Host Club will open its doors to its customers in about one. I have until the former to figure out what to do or say to Kaoru. I slump down near the front of the school on the ground, needing a moment to myself to sort this all out. From what I know now, Kaoru is jealous of me because he wants to spend more time with Haruhi than I do now. This is already established. Why he would want to, I'm not entirely sure yet, but I can't keep this up. The only reason I can think of why he would want to do that is that… he might **like **her. That makes sense. If it were just because he liked her as a friend, then both of us being with her would be enough for him. But, that's not the case. Does Kaoru want to… deepen his relationship with her? That has to be it. He likes Haruhi and is mad at me because he hasn't had the change to get closer because I've been in the way. That totally makes sense. Why does that suddenly piss me off? I'm not pissed because he's gonna be spending more time with Haruhi. I… I'm pissed off because **Kaoru's **gonna be spending more time with Haruhi. This whole "being independent" thing he's mentioned here and there… he's really getting into it all of a sudden. I guess that's not really a problem, but I hate the way the way he's carrying it out. Doesn't he realize he ruining me?

"Hikaru," That neutral voice breaks me from my thoughts – I'm slightly glad, though – and I glance up at an extremely out of place Ootori. It's almost time for the Host Club to start getting ready for the day, and he's usually the one there first. What's he doing by the front of the school? "May I ask why you're here – alone – when you should be with your brother getting ready for the club?" The way he talks annoys me sometimes. He talks as though he's our parent who just knows that their kid did something wrong.

I pull me knees up closer to my chest and rest my chin on my arms across them. I pucker my lips somewhat when I answer, "I don't have to be there for another ten minutes. And that's just for us to help everyone else get into costume." It's a horrible habit of mine to refer to myself as "us" since Kaoru is usually with me; either agreeing with what I say or saying it himself with me. "Besides, who's the pot calling the kettle black? You're usually there before Tono."

"I'm waiting for a delivery." A delivery? Why would **he** need to wait for something? It couldn't be that important.

"Of what?" I don't know why I'm prying. I guess I'm just wasting time so I don't have to wait by myself in silence for the time when I have to go find Kaoru.

"Oh, just a little something Kaoru wanted for today. He was quite persistent. It seems he wanted a small cake ordered from a bakery on the other side of Tokyo." When I look up at him, wondering what the hell he's talking about, Kyouya-sempai's eyeing down the road when an all-knowing smirk on his face that cleverly disguised as a warm smile. I hate that look. "I believe it was… German Chocolate…?" He asks as though I should know and should confirm it as he glances down at me from the corner of his eye.

"How the hell should I know?" I just go back to my pouting position.

"Well, you **were **the one who suggested it. Unless I'm wrong." Wait, was that was Haruhi was talking about yesterday? Why would Kaoru want something like that ordered? I mean, we have great chefs at home. My mind is just running in circles and it's not getting me anywhere. As I'm thinking, a small truck pulls up and I can hear Kyouya-sempai mutter something to himself under his breath. I've wasted enough time here avoiding what I need to do. I guess I'm just scared of what's going to happen. What if I make a total idiot of myself and just totally destroy all ties to our world? Kaoru looks so miserable right now, I don't know what I would do with myself if he stayed like that any longer. I've at least got to apologize to him for being such a shitty older brother.

"Oh, and Hikaru." I turn toward him, and he's jotting down things in that notebook of his as always, and a door to the truck slams shut. "Be careful what you say to Kaoru. Your facts my not be the real truth. Just keep that in mind when you talk to him. I'm sure things will be just fine." Kyouya-sempai doesn't even look at me when he talks. He just smiles a little and continues writing.

"W-wait— H-How'd you—"

"Isn't Kaoru waiting for his brother to show? I didn't think Hikaru was the type of person to keep someone **that **important waiting." Crap. He's right. I'll have to ask him about how he knew I was gonna go talk to Kaoru later. Knowing my brother, he's probably waiting for me right now. He's always waiting for me; I've finally noticed. Maybe now I can finally get a straight answer out of him, and we can fix this whole mess. Besides, there's a few things that I think Kaoru needs to know now.


	8. Day 3: Contradiction

**Chapter 8**  
_Day 3: Contradiction_

I'm praying. I'm praying so hard right now. Just a few steps ahead of me is the door to the Third Science Room. Where Kaoru should be waiting for me. I've never been this nervous or reluctant to actually see my brother. I've never been on bad terms with him before, either, so I guess that makes up for it. It's still no excuse. For all that I've done—or not done, in this case—and what I put him though, Kaoru deserves an apology and I need to tell him a few things. I just hope I don't mess this up and go over board like I tend to do in emotional situations.

Kaoru's been waiting for me. And maybe it's not just about all this…

I'm hesitant, but I finally manage to open the door and it surprises me; the whole room's dark, and even the shutters are down over the windows. It's almost creepy. A quite, yet sharp sniff that I easily recognize keeps me here. I stop in front of a chair that someone's sitting in. Kaoru has been waiting for a while now for me. He's been crying, too. At least, as far as I can tell. My eyes finally adjust to the dark lighting, and it seems my guesses were right; He's not sitting straight up in his normal, confident manner. He's leaning against his knees, watching his feet instead of looking up at me. He really does look miserable. I just want to lean down and wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything will be all right. I force myself to hold back, though. I have a plan, and I'm not going to let some impulse ruin it.

"H—Hikaru," his voice is soft, and it hitches a little because it seems he really had been crying. In the back of my mind, I'm hoping that it wasn't because of me. With the way things are, though, that's not a good possibility. Kaoru sits up more, lightly rubbing his eye, and looks up at me finally. There's a soft smile on his lips, though it soon disappears when he looks away to the side. "I'm… glad you came," He says simply, obviously trying to avoid the whole purpose of this meeting right off the bat.

"I wasn't going to keep my little brother waiting," I keep my tone matter-of-fact, trying to lighten the mood. I don't think it worked.

"Hmm…" He hums a bit, at least acknowledging that I said something. Kaoru's still avoiding eye contact. His hands are clasped together tightly, and his heel lightly taps on the floor repeatedly. He's nervous. "Hikaru, there's someth—"

"Kaoru," I cut him off rather forcefully, stopping him where he was. I need to say what's on my mind before him. I want him to understand my side before he makes any more decisions on his own and jump to conclusions. I don't want him to misunderstand my situation. I have every intention to start explaining, and everything planned out. But if that's true, then why am I just standing here, tensing up and biting my lip till it stings? I guess I'm just nervous, with Kaoru's eyes on me and all.

"Yes, Hikaru?" My brother finally asks after a few moments of my silent stupidity. He's voice seems to coax my own into coming out.

"I—I have to tell you a few things that I think you should know and I hope you don't mind me saying them first," I just simply blurt out. I need to talk first. Plain and simple. I can feel Kaoru looking up at me, slightly confused by what I said and the fact that **I'm** now staring at my feet. There's a scuffmark on the right one.

"Of course, Hikaru." I sigh heavily, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. I always took my luck for granted. My brother was always more understanding than me and I really should be more thankful for that. I sometimes think I don't deserve a brother like him. Just thinking about that, it brings a small smile to my face. In this darkness, I'm not sure if Kaoru can see it, or not. I'm sure he can feel it, though.

I have to take a deep breath for a moment before I begin. Everything has to be said just right, or everything could be gone in an instant. Kaoru's been waiting.

"Kaoru, look, I—I think I understand what's going on with you." This silence isn't like the one that follows him when he's listening carefully to me. He's holding his breath; waiting for what I have to say. Please don't let me disappoint him more. "We've never hidden anything between us before, so I don't understand why this would be any different." I cross my arms and look away not to be stubborn, not to be selfish. I feel a chill that's been running up and down my spine since I got in here. It's not because of the air conditioning. "If you like Haruhi, why couldn't you just say something to me instead of making this huge problem out of it between us? That's what I don't understand."

Kaoru let's his breath go, finally seeming to relax since I got here. I want to ask what that was all about, but I have more to say. Kaoru seems to know it, too.

"I'd be okay if you were mad at me, and I probably wouldn't let it get to me if you said something." My hands start gripping the sleeves of my uniform tightly as I go on, "But… With this way you've decided to act I… You don't know what you're doing to me. You just don't know how much I—" I cut myself off, biting my lip. Hard. It's stinging worse than before. But I'm the older brother, and I refuse to break down in front of Kaoru totally. I just don't want to be seen as someone so emotional about something so simple. Who am I? Tono?

As I'm trying to keep my emotions down, Kaoru stands up, and I can feel him staring at me with concern. His hands, gentle as ever, start at my shoulders and slowly run down my arms, stopping and gently squeezing just above my elbows. I tightly shot my eyes, as his touch seems to get my emotions even more excited and intense. My eyes start to sting a little, but I still refuse to open them. I can't see Kaoru, but I can feel his comforting smile on me as he rests his forehead against mine.

"Hikaru," his breath is hot, and his soft voice seems to calm me down, at least a little. I still refuse to look at him. I can't help but be stubborn. It's just who I am.

I want to continue, but my emotions are keeping me from saying anything further for the moment. I'm left silent—save for the few little hics I make trying to force myself not to completely lose it—as Kaoru moves to wrap his arms around my neck softly. I have those same arms, but I don't think I could ever be that delicate or comforting with my actions. My personality just doesn't call for it. My brother has always been better at understanding people. Not that much better, but still more than me.

My voice finally seems to come back, "Kaoru, I'm just falling apart worrying about you. Dammit, you know you're all I have." I decide to let go of the grip I had on my feelings just a little, and quickly grab my brother around his waist and pull him even closer to me, burying my face in his shoulder. He lets out a small gasp, surprised by my sudden, jerky actions. His arms only tighten around my neck, and one of his hands softly pats my head. It's so simple, but it feels so good.

He laughs, just slightly, "Stupid Hikaru. You know that's not true." My hands dig into his uniform more as he speaks. Of course, he's right. Like always. "Yeah, Mom and Dad can't always be there for us… and we don't have that many friends at school, but… We can always fall back on the friends that we **do** have. You said so yourself, Hikaru, that being in the host club has made us the happiest that we've ever been." I really hate when he's right. I want to make a comeback, but I just remain silent, and Kaoru continues, "Besides, Hikaru, I'm not the only person you care about. I really didn't want it to come to this." He sighs heavily and it almost sounds annoyed. With a few more pats to the head, he pushes me away gently and smiles somewhat apologetically to me.

"Kaoru, what are you—" A finger comes up and softly pushes against my lips, stopping my question from finishing. Kaoru keeps it there for a moment more, that same smile still on his face, though it feels a little different. It feels almost like… regret?

"I'm really sorry, Hikaru. These past few days, I've put you though so much. I promise, though, it wasn't for nothing." His finger leaves, and he takes a step forward, closer to me. To the untrained eye, Kaoru would look like any other happy teenager. I know better. We've both built up this façade so no one can bother us unless they were going to be serious. It seems Kaoru, more recently, has made his even more complicated to penetrate. Even for me, sometimes. This is the first time I've seen though it so clearly when it's up the strongest. My dear little brother. He's smiling. But his eyes aren't. They're telling a whole different story than what I've come to understand. Kaoru has been putting me though a lot of emotional trouble. Even so, he's been hurting so much more. Maybe I've been focusing on the wrong thing this whole time.

Kaoru sighs lightly, looking away to my left. That same distraught smile lingering on his face makes me sick. I may hate it when my brother is hurting, but I hate it more when he lies about it and covers it up like it's nothing. For me, anything that may be wrong, even in the slightest way, is **never** nothing. That thought reminded me. I glance down at his crossed arms, and my eyes stopping on his right hand. The one that's still bandaged. If nothing had changed, and Kaoru never decided to act out like he did, maybe he wouldn't have gotten hurt. It's such a minor thing, but still. I feel like it's my fault.

"I was hoping that you wouldv'e figured it out my now," Kaoru laughs to himself a little bit. What the hell his he talking about? "I guess there's nothing I can do about that, huh? Well, all right, then. I lose." He just smiles even bigger at that, and leaves me utterly confused. He lost?

"What the hell are you—"

"Hika-chan!" My ability to breathe is knocked out of me for a second when a one and a half meter seventeen year-old third-year jumps on me from the back. Hunny-sempai may be small, but he's still rather heavy as he dangles from my neck, crushing my windpipe. "Please don't cy anymore! Don't be sad!!"

"Hunny-sempai," Kaoru sighs, walking over and prying the crying sempai off of me. I just try to even out my breaths and stare at him almost awestruck. He's acting like he expected something like that to happen. I rub my neck a little more and the lights flash back on, blinding me for a second. When my eyes somewhat adjust to the new lighting, I glance back at Kaoru who seems upset at Hunny-sempai who was holding back his own tears. "I told you to wait."

"I'm sorry, Kao-chan. But Hika-chan just looked so sad I couldn't take it anymore." That little statement made me realize how stupid I probably look. I stand up and rub my eyes with my sleeve a bit, trying to dry up my face. Only a few tears had managed to fall. That's still more than I want. When I feel like I had my composure back, I look back up toward Kaoru who's looking back with a sweet, apologetic smile. I want to ask what the hell's going on, but someone else decided to speak up first. Rather dramatically, I might add.

"Well, my dear Hikaru, don't fret." Tono roughly lets his hand fall on my shoulder as he speaks as though he's someone of complete importance. I sometimes get really pissed off with his narcissistic ways. "I'm positive that one day, you too will come to understand how much the Host Club means to you!" He clenches his hand into a fist in front of him when he finishes his sentence; his eyes sparkle with excitement of the moment he brought up himself.

Kaoru sighs, "Tono… You really can't talk." He crosses his arms and sighs again, annoyed by our foolish Lord too, but on a different level. I can tell. Tono turns toward my brother, finally letting me go from his growing grip he had on me.

"What do you mean by that?" His question felt innocent enough, everyone knowing that dumbass had no idea what almost anything to himself was. The two bicker a little, mostly Tono as my brother keeps his cool, like most of the time. As I listen to them, I feel my palms start to sting from my nails digging into the skin from the tension I'm holding in. My knuckles are probably pure white, and my jaw is screwed shut so tightly, something could have been on the verge of snapping. Something in me snapped too, after I vaguely heard Kaoru mention to Tono that I didn't understand my own situation. I wasn't going to bother to listen to their whole argument, but that one statement, and from him, made me almost lose it, then and there. That's probably when I did snapped.

"Just tell me what the **hell** is going on!" I yell out, screwing my eyes shut tightly, and basically yelling it at the floor. I really don't know who that was directed at, but it's hard for me to believe that I would **ever** raise my voice like that toward Kaoru. And mean it. After my little outburst, the whole room went silent. Kaoru's and Tono's little argument stopped dead in its tracks; Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai I could feel silently staring at me, worried; even Kyouya-sempai, who had been standing near the door and light switch the whole time, I couldn't hear the scratching of his pen on paper. Everything stopped. After a few short moments, I heard Kaoru softly mutter my name. He stuttered, too. I bite my lip tightly so nothing else can get out that I'll probably regret later.

Soft hands that I easily recognize run down my face, and when I look up all I see is Kaoru smiling contently, his eyes closed. Despite the softness of his face, I can still see though it and I can easily see he's tying not to cry himself. His forehead rests against mine, and I can feel his hands tense up a bit for a second on my cheeks and the room is still painfully silent. Except for Kyouya-sempai's pen again.

"I'm really sorry, Hikaru. I really am," He speaks softly and I notice for a brief second that he let down his guard. That mask my brother had been wearing was gone for a small moment, and that smile of his is nothing more than a guard to keep me from knowing how he was really feeling; to keep me from worrying about him. Kaoru's been wanting to cry, too. He's been feeling guilty. For what, I'm not entirely sure anymore. I thought I had everything figured out. "I'll explain everything to you later, okay? I'll give you the short version now, though." Kaoru's hands slide down my face stopping and messing with my tie. His head is still leaning against mine, though he apparently can't bring himself to look me in the eye at the moment. It's a little discouraging. "There have been these little things that I've noticed. Things that make you happy." As my brother talks, his smile completely disappears. He straightens my tie after messing with it and pats it down gently. "I know right now it doesn't make sense, but I did have a good reason for doing this to you. I was trying to make you realize something, but I guess even you're too dense for something like this." Kaoru smiles up at me painfully—I'm sure everyone can see it, too—and his hands still linger on my uniform. "I know it doesn't make any sense… But in the long run, I was trying to make you happy."

"'Make me… happy?'" I echo his words, my voice uncharacteristically soft and weak. "Kaoru… How can pushing me away and leaving me alone make me happy?" My voice rises just slightly and my hands tighten up again. It's not out of anger. It's out of frustration and confusion.

"That's just it, Hikaru." I snap my eyes open and stare at him. What he said and how it said it almost… scared me. "It really can. Like I said, I'll explain everything later. I need to go talk to Kyouya-sempai and Tamaki-sempai for a moment. For now," I don't move at all when he wraps his arms around my neck, holding me close. I don't even breathe. "Go sit down for a little bit, 'kay?" I just nod my head weakly after a few moments. I don't even know what to say at all to him anymore. "Then we can go home. And this time… We'll go together," He whispers in my ear softly with such kindness in his voice, I can't help but to snake my own arms around his thin waist and bury my face in the crook of his neck as I nod again. Patting my head a few times, my brother pushes me away gently and walks over to our two upperclassmen. I slump down in the chair Kaoru was in not too long ago and just hang my head.

So, this who thing was… a set up? An act that even I couldn't see though. What the hell was Kaoru thinking!?

"Hika-chan…?" Hunny-sempai's soft voice cuts though my thoughts, and I quickly jerk up to look at him. "Are you going to be alright?" The grip on the toy rabbit he always carries around gets a little tighter as he waits for my answer. I'm silent for a moment, still thinking things through.

"Yeah. I will be, Hunny-sempai." I try to smile for him. Even if only a little. He returns mine with a look of complete understand all wrapped up in a sweet smile.

"You know, Hika-chan, that cake Kao-chan ordered was for you." Sempai's smile grows a bit more, and it doesn't surprise me. He **did** change the subject to something involving his favorite thing.

"I kinda figured when Kyouya-sempai told me what it was." I never knew how hard it was to keep up a smile till now.

Sempai's smile grows bigger, "But Hika-chan, the whole thing is for you. Kao-chan had to make me promise to eat any of it. I was kinda hoping we could split it, but I think you should have all of it."

"Why would he do that?" I finally let that smile go.

"I dunno. Guess you'll just have to ask him later." Hunny-sempai beams, smiling bit at me. You just can't help but smile at him for that look. Despite his young looks, Hunny-sempai sure does know how to make someone feel better. Even if just a little. "Kao-chan was really upset about this whole thing, you know. He called me every night even before it all started. He said he didn't know what he would do if you decided to stay mad at him for this. He knew you were going to be, but he kept hoping that you would be able to forgive him. Kao-chan really loves you, Hika-chan. Please don't be mad at him for thinking of you." With that said, Hunny-sempai runs off toward Mori-sempai, leaving me in awe. Never underestimate the power and knowledge of the third-years.

"Hikaru!" I glance over toward the door where Kaoru called me; his hand stretched out welcoming me, "Come on. Let's go home."

I wasn't going to let go of that hand for a while. Kaoru never tried to pull away, either.


	9. Day 3: Old Attics and Bad Haiku

**Chapter 9  
**_Day 3: Old Attics and Bad Haiku_

To say the ride home was awkward would be an understatement. Kaoru and I didn't talk; we didn't look at each other. All we did the whole way home was hold onto each other. It might have been just me clinging to my brother's hand so tightly, but I didn't feel once any sign of him wanting me to let him go. To me, it felt like the opposite. I did glance up at him for a short moment, and he was just staring out the window with a content smile on his face. The setting sun of the afternoon just bringing out the soft paleness of his skin and the red of his hair. I still wonder sometimes if I ever look that peaceful.

Once we got home and threw everything into my – **our **– room, Kaoru silently drags me down the long hallway, ignoring any and all questions running from my mouth. All he does when we turn an all-too-familiar corner is smile slyly at me and remain silent. It doesn't really seem like him. All I can do is just follow mindlessly as he drags me up a flight of stairs and up toward a small latched door. He looks at me and smiles sweetly again as he opens it and crawls inside. I go after him into the attic and the first thing I notice is that it's been cleaned. The boxes of who-knows-what are finally neatly stacked against the inclined walls. The dust that normally pollutes the air is mostly gone. It still **is** an attic so I doubt someone could fully get rid of all if it.

"It took forever to clean up, you know," my brother says softly, snapping my attention away from the cleaned room and toward him. He's looking out the window, almost seeming shy with his arms crossed. Through that peaceful face, I can sense a slight feeling of worry through his eyes. It won't go away. Then it hit me.

"Wait, **you **cleaned this?" We hardly ever make our bed, let alone clean an entire room. Why would he go to all the trouble of cleaning up a musty old attic? His gaze is still out the window and I can feel a bit of jealousy build up in the pit of my stomach. Kaoru nods slightly.

"Those two days we weren't sleeping together I… I couldn't stop thinking about you long enough to actually fall asleep." He glances down at the newly dusted wood flooring, seeming a tad… ashamed. I'm the one who should be feeling bad. I got at least some sleep one night while he hasn't. I lower my head; though still refuse to look away from him. He continues softly, "I came up here on the first night and remembered all the fun times we had up here." A warm smile quickly grows on his lips, "Then I thought, 'Why don't we ever come up here anymore?' so I decided to clean it up a bit. Make some more room for us. Besides," Kaoru grabs my head and pulls me toward the small window and sits me down, "I want to show you something." My eyes widen a bit as he speaks slowly. He remembers? "I think you'll like it." Kaoru gently puts his palm on the window ready to open it. I can't help but smile warmly at him.

"I'm sure I will." I laugh, just slightly at this.

"Close your eyes. I want it to be a surprise." He smiles, and I notice it's purely genuine. I do as he wants, and I hear the window squeak open. When I try to open my eyes again, Kaoru presses his hand over them. "Don't look just yet." His voice is a whisper, but feels close. I nod a bit after a short moment, and the warmth from his hand leaves. I almost miss it. I'm glad I don't have to worry about not being able to feel it again, though.

"I don't remember this." I say jokingly, laughing a little, though still keeping my eyes closed. I hear Kaoru laugh, too at that. I didn't realize how much I've missed that laugh. It's almost… refreshing.

"Then I'm sure you won't remember this." I'm about to ask what he means, but before I can get anything out, I feel my brother's hand gently graze against my cheek, and run down to my jaw line. He carefully pulls me forward slightly, and I'm trying my damned hardest not to open my eyes. I can feel his hot breath on my lips, and by the way he's breathing, Kaoru seems a tad nervous. It's barely noticeable, really. He turns my head slightly, and softly kisses my other cheek, just missing the corner of my mouth. I snap my eyes open when he leans away and I notice he's staring out the small window. There's a **very** faint blush on his face. "I guess you want to know what's been going on, huh?" He looks over at me and smiles, just a little.

I sigh, though there's a soft smile tugging at my lips, too, "That would nice." I bring my arm and rub the back of my neck, quickly running my fingers over where Kaoru had been just a moment ago. I think he noticed.

Kaoru looks down at the ground for a moment, then back out the window. He begins softly, "Hikaru, you know I love you." When he looks over at me, I nod in agreement. He knows I also mean to say, "I love you, too". His smile grows just a tad bigger for a moment. It soon fades, though. "We're not going to be together as long as we think. Sooner or later, things will fall apart and we wont be able to spend time like we do with all the friends we made… and with each other." His sentence almost dragged off, as his eyes lowered to his fidgeting hands in his lap. I mutter his name, but he continues on, "I wanted you to figure this out on your own, but it's getting late. I wanted you to realize… I'm not always going to be there for you, Hikaru. As much as I want, it's just not going to be possible."

"But," I look away from him at noting in particular, and continue with my hands constantly tightening in my own lap. "I know that already. That's why I spend so much time with you and Haruhi. I don't want—"

"But you don't even know what you're doing, yourself!" Kaoru yells, forcing my eyes up at him, shocked. His head is hung low, and I can tell he's biting his lip. He looks up, and there's a pained look in his eyes. A real one. Not some fake mask he's been using on me lately. Even though this looks so similar to the other looks I've seen on him, this one really gets to me. "Hikaru, haven't you ever thought about **why exactly **you want to spend so much time with Haruhi?" His tone turned suddenly too serious, and I'm at a total loss at what to say to him. What **is **Haruhi to us? To me? "She's special. She may not understand us on the level that we do, but she does more than anyone else we've ever met." Kaoru pauses for a moment, looking away from me, "You've taken a liking to that, Hikaru. More than you realize." He sighs heavily, and stares out the window again, longingly. "I wanted you to realize this. If not that, then that you always have someone to fall back on when I'm not going to be there." His golden eyes come back to mine, and they seem to glow in the lighting. "I was just worried. I'm sorry."

I'm silent. I just don't know what to say to any of that. For him to go to all of that trouble just for me to realize a few things seems… stupid. I already know that we won't be able to spend time together like we do now. That doesn't mean we won't be able to spend time together doing other things. Had he over looked that small detail or something? Sighing heavily, I grab my brother's blazer at the shoulder and pull him closer. I move my hands to his face and kiss his forehead, letting my lips linger. I will admit, I'm not as gentle as him, but I mean just as much as he had.

"Kaoru," I speak softly against his warm skin as his hands tightly grab the back of my uniform, his arms going under mine. The scent of apples, spices, and Kaoru fill my lungs. I've missed the real think too much. More than I thought. I laugh nervously against him, "You think way too much." I feel him tense up a little bit more.

"You don't think enough." He moves his head to the crook of my neck, and sighs in approval, lightly laughing all the while.

My hand runs though his hair, and I feel almost awkward. I'm not use to doing something like this outside the Host Club. I laugh just a little, "Maybe. Just… Tell me you're sorry and promise you won't do it again."

Kaoru giggles – yeah, giggles – softly and nods his head. He pushes away and sits up, smiling warmly at me. The sun outside is just starting to set, and looking at him, I'm reminded again how nice he looks in orange. His words break me from my staring, "I'm sorry, Hikaru." His hand finds mine, and our fingers intertwine. He gently squeezes, still smiling. "I promise I won't hurt you like that again."

"Never?" Kaoru should know my now that I'm not going to be mad at him for much longer. I squeeze back.

"Never ever." He looks so relived that everything's going to be all right. Standing up, Kaoru leans his head against mine, seeming excited for something. "Hey, Hikaru. I got something for you. It came in a few days ago, but I was waiting for the right time to give it to you. Just a sec." He pecks my forehead with a kiss quickly and turns toward a chest that's been stored up here for years, not even three yards away. It feels really weird waiting for him. Why would he get something and not tell me? With the fact that it apparently got here "a few days ago", I can only assume he ordered it or whatever before this whole thing started. That's not really like him.

"Why did you—" Kaoru shoves a simple black box in my face before I can finish.

"Here! I had them special ordered. Just for you." I glance down at the thing he shoved at me. It's a small box, that doesn't seem like it could be much. I pick at the tape a bit before I look back up at him.

"Why'd you get me something?" I ask simply, still lightly picking at the tape on one of the sides of the box.

"Just open it!" He's so eager. I sigh with a smile, and finally tear off the tape holding down a flap. The top flaps of the cardboard lift up, and inside the small box, cushioned with white tissue paper, are two charms. A brown monkey and a brown bird. In between them, they're holding onto a small, red heart. I must say, it's definitely one of the girliest things I've ever gotten.

"I noticed a while ago that the old phone charm I got you was starting to get in bad shape. I wanted to get you a new one, but not the exact same thing." Kaoru reaches for the charms and takes the monkey and half the heart with it. As he looks over it, his fingers run over the light blue scarf around its neck. "It turns out, Tamaki-sempai's family is on great terms with the family that owns the business that produces this brand of accessories. I 'asked' if he could pull a few strings and had these specially made. They're one-of-a-kind, and the heart pieces won't fit together with any of the other previously made ones." He gives the monkey back to me, and I can't help but smile at him. What he just said reminded me so much of how we are. No one could replace the relationship we have, and I only wish I could've noticed sooner.

I take the small bird with the orange scarf – mentally laughing that he chose those colors – and hand it to him. When his hand grabs it, I take his hand and pull him close to me, pressing my lips to his, a tad rougher than I planned. I'm only there for a brief second before I sit back on my spot, smiling that famous Hitachiin smile we pull off so much, and say, "Thanks, Kaoru."

He's at a loss for a moment, but soon mirrors me perfectly. I sometimes wonder who copies whom, or if we just do the same things subconsciously. Whatever it is, I don't think I would want it any other way.

"You're welcome, Hikaru." We stare at each other for a short moment, and then he moves to sit next to me, leaning his head against my shoulder. I smile contently at him, then out the window. A lot of the leaves have fallen, but… it's not such a bad thing.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru asks after about five minutes.

"Yeah?" I respond out of habit, half absent-minded.

"Why'd you break my old phone charm **you** got me?" He deadpans.

"W-Why'd you give it back?" I'm being stubborn and avoid the question. Kaoru just smirks at me.

"I didn't think you were going to break it like that. I though you would hold onto it for a while, not smash the darn thing." Despite his words, his voice is light as he holds back some laughter.

I feel a mental sweat drop when I answer, "I-I'm sorry. I was just pissed off, you know? Forgive me?" I wrap my arm around his shoulder and bring him closer, lifting up his chin slightly with my other hand. He just continues to smirk.

"I don't know…" He's hamming it up. "I guess. 'Just promise you won't do it again'?" I laugh a bit. I never thought he would throw my words back at me.

"Of course." I place the box on the ground next to me and we both look out the window silently. It's a comfortable silence. One we both haven't had for a while.

The leaves on the trees are more dead than nine years ago at this time. But that doesn't mean anything's changed. At least, for the falling leaves.  
They fall like before. They do not change how they work. Just when they do fall.

It feels like bad haiku.

* * *

_Author's Notes:  
Yay! It's finally done!! Took WAY to long... Please help me by pointing out any mistakes ANYWHERE in the story. I'm somewhat of an idiot and can't seem to find them all myself. :_

_I'm going to be honest. This is the first fanfic (with multiple chapters) that I've ever finished. I'm not kidding.. I usually give up and start something new. Hopefully, I won't be like that anymore._

_For your sake, please feel free to ask any questions you want through reviews or PMs about something you may not understand or are just curious about. I will be more than happy to answer them for you the best I can. I know there are a few things that were not explained well, because it was written in Hikaru's POV. Besides, this is one of the first times I've written in first-person. D:_

_Can anyone guess why I chose a monkey and a bird?_

_There is a story to parallel this one, in Kaoru's POV, that I hope will shine some light on some of the details on this story line. "_Just to See You Smile Later_" is not complete right now, but will be sooner or later. I'm not giving up on that. o3o_


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